In a recent lesson, my Sunday School teacher mentioned doubt. Do any of us struggle with doubt–and are willing to admit it in church? I admitted it, although I doubt it is a shock for anyone. I have been open in my questions and doubts.

The author Anne Lamott has written, the opposite of faith is not doubt, the opposite of faith is certainty. Faith has to be something that we can not be certain about–there would be no need for faith. I was reminded of her this morning, that sentence in her book really took hold of me.

Doubt is a part of faith.

1. Rosemary Says:
   June 29th, 2009 at 12:27 pm

   Well, you know Judith and I love you for your honesty about doubt. I remember as a child and young adult I was always overflowing with guilt about my own doubts. I knew so many people who didn’t seem to doubt at all and I alternated between envying them their faith or on my wickedest days, deciding they were hypocritical liars who couldn’t possibly be that sure of their faith.

   However, there was probably a time when I seemed like one of those heartfelt devotees without a shred of doubt. I remember going forward in church one time to ‘recommit my life’ or whatever we called it (growing up a literal fundamentalist I was always worried one declaration wasn’t enough and I was sure to need saving again). My youth director announced my decision and then made light of it saying something like “for Rosemary to be worried she’s sinning she probably didn’t read her Bible every day last week” or something like that. I was hurt that he belittled my pain and doubt though I didn’t say so at the time. During that same time period my family gathered at Christmas and recounted the year (an annual tradition)–all that had happened: hardships and joys and plans for the future. Everyone had had a rather terrible year except me, and I was brimming over with excitement and pleasure at all the things we’d accomplished with the church youth group, etc. My siblings still joke about that night and what a happy holy-roller I was. Still, that whole time I was still roiling with doubt all the time, just hiding it really well and suppressing it with lots of prayer and Bible study.

   Now I’m probably the black sheep of the family for joining an Episcopal church (“their female presiding bishop is pro-gay!” my mom exclaimed to me one night as if “pro-gay” was a really dirty word) and posting controversial topics on Facebook (hey, gotta start somewhere).

   I think the same part of me that desired to study the Bible so hard and be so deeply involved in the youth group missions is the same part that deals honestly with doubts–I want an authentic faith I struggle with, not a namby-pamby faith that suppresses my intellect and common sense.

2. Rosemary Says:
   June 29th, 2009 at 12:28 pm

   Wow, that comment was like a whole other post, wasn’t it?

3. Judith Says:
   July 13th, 2009 at 10:42 pm

   Well, I finally watched the movie Doubt, and I thought it was great. I especially liked the set-up with Father Flynn’s first sermon. He asks if anyone knows doubt, if anyone feels alienated by it. He concludes “Doubt can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty. When you are lost, you are not alone.” So beautiful.

   In contrast, when Father Flynn is sideswiped with accusation, he exclaims, “You haven’t the slightest proof of anything!” and Sister Aloysius replies, “But I have my certainty!” Such a violent and ugly representation of faith, but still what many people assume that true faith is–one immune to doubt.