Months and months ago, I posted about contemplating whether to have my baby christened and how I could convince my husband to be cool with it.  Well, after a long time of procrastination, the baby and his big brothers will all be christened at our Episcopal church next month.  Or should I just say ‘baptized’ for the big boys? Christening seems like just a baby thing.  Anyway, it turned out after all my rambling on and worrying about it, that my husband was fine with the christening.  I don’t know why I didn’t just ask earlier.  But then he wouldn’t give me his opinion about who the godparents should be.  Finally after asking him several times and getting very little response, I just told him, “OK, I’m going to fill out the forms tomorrow and I’ll just pick the godparents if that’s o.k. with you.”  So that’s what I did.  And he was fine with it.  Good grief, I guess I could have done that much earlier, too.

So the baby will be baptized at just over a year old and the big boys will be 8 and 5.  Whatever. I just want them to be fully part of our church community.  Also I get to put them in cute clothes and take pictures, and that’s always nice.

Anne, I know you don’t even get baby dedications, but you know me and my rituals.  How about other readers?  If you’re a parent, did you have your babies christened?  Is it odd that I’m waiting so late to do my kids?  Or is it odd that I even want to partake of such an old-fashioned ritual?

I didn’t go to church today.  I knew it we were having communion today.  My church does communion quarterly.  I was raised in a church that had monthly communion, although they would have never referred to it as anything as The Lord’s Supper.

I think my uncomfortableness with communion goes back to my childhood.  I was raised that you had to be right with God to partake.  I struggle, so I don’t feel right.  I have been to a Disciples of Christ church where the minister said communion was a new beginning.  Each time it was admitting our weaknesses and trying to become better.  That seemed less overwhelming, and I did not feel uncomfortable there.

I am a doubter.  I have always been one to question, although usually I didn’t question God.  I began my journey into doubt about 14 years ago.  The levels of doubt have changed, back and forth–but a hint of doubt always remained.

I have never quit church in the process, which is confusing to all, including my pastor.  He is glad I am there, but he has told me it is unusual.  Today during service I wondered why I am often inspired, by things I read, news events, nature, but rarely by church.

I realize I’ve been sharing other people’s thoughts more than my own lately, but that’s the beauty of the internets, eh?  Anyway, I liked McLaren’s response to this question on his blog.

http://brianmclaren.net/archives/blog/q-r-evangelism-and-evangelists.html#more

Anne Rice’s Facebook:
My faith in Christ is central to my life. My conversion from a pessimistic atheist lost in a world I didn’t understand, to an optimistic believer in a universe created and sustained by a loving God is crucial to me. But following Christ does not mean following His followers. Christ is infinitely more important than Christianity and always will be, no matter what Christianity is, has been, or might become.

I am encouraged by this introduction to what I hope will be a great series of writing.  Reminds me that it has been too long since I sat with a group to wrestle with and interpret scripture.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-raushenbush/the-complex-power-and-wis_b_658639.html

I had a great and restorative day of being myself (by myself) today.  I checked a book out from the library called Faith & Doubt because I loved this poem on the back cover:

GOD SAYS YES TO ME

I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don’t paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I’m telling you is
Yes Yes Yes

–Kaylin Haught

Judith and I met for a weekend trip, We were sad that Rosemary wasn’t able to join us. Saturday night, Judith was looking at a newspaper and saw church listings. Originally, we had discussed our lack of interest in attending a church service during our time together. The ad blurb for the Unitarian church caught our attention. Even with a typo in the newspaper, we found their website.

There is freedom in exploring different churches while traveling. There is little chance of seeing these people again. Of course, reality was slightly different for us. Judith saw a former university professor. I saw a familiar face from my job at the university library.

I enjoyed our hour or so with the Unitarian Congregation. It was a small group, which can be uncomfortable for visitors. There is no crowd to hide in. I was a bit hesitant when I went to open the door, but I am so glad I went in. They were quick to greet us and include us wholeheartedly. The conversation seemed to eerily mesh with discussions Judith and I had the previous evening. There was no grand conclusion of the discussion, no perfect answer to our struggles. It was openness and discussion–most importantly community.

…or lack thereof.  Last night I was having dinner with my boys (my husband wasn’t there as he was on his way home from a business trip) when the subject of angels came up.  I don’t remember why we were talking about angels; I think I just said something about them being my little angels or something and then my 4-year old asked, “What’re angels?”  While I was trying to explain angels on a preschool level my 7-year old interrupted. “I don’t believe in angels. I don’t believe in God, either.”  I have to admit I was shocked to hear this.  Even though I often admit to myself that I am sort of an “agnostic Christian,” I have been attempting to raise little Christian boys.  We don’t go around talking about Jesus this, Jesus that, or God bless this and God said so-and-so all the time, but we do attend church and read some Bible stories at home as well.

I tamped down my shock so that I wouldn’t show it to him. Instead I just asked him why he didn’t believe in God. He said “I don’t believe in things that are invisible. Things can’t be invisible.”  His favorite subject in school is science and he is a very pragmatic little scientist already, I guess.

I asked him about germs, “You can’t see germs, right? But you believe germs exist?”  Him: “Well, yeah.”  (I knew he believed in germs because he is already something of a germaphobe.  Then I remembered wind.  “How about this: what makes the trees move?”  Him: “Wind.”  Me: “Well, can you see the wind?”  Him: “No.”  Me: “But you believe it’s there, right?”  Him: “Yeah.”  Me: “So to me that’s what God is like. I can’t see God but I can see what he has done in the world.”

I don’t know–it’s tough to know how much I should “indoctrinate” my children.  I want to teach them my worldview but as I’m not always sure what that is myself, how can I push it on them?  I ended by telling him, “Daddy and I believe in God and we want you to learn about what we believe, but we can’t make you believe the same.  You are always free to decide what you believe.”  This whole thing might be too deep for a 7-year old. I don’t know.

This morning my husband did an experiment with Isaac to show him how something invisible can be real.  He used a paintbrush and lemon juice to paint words on a paper. Then he used a match to heat it up to show the words.  He wrote, “Isaac, God loves you.”

I know the rest of my family would probably be pushing them to “accept Jesus as their lord and savior” and making sure they understand that they are sinners, etc.  I’m not comfortable with that but I want them to have faith.  So what to do?  It’s hard when I’m not sure what I believe and I’m not the most faith-filled person myself to teach my children about God.  So what do you think? How should we raise our children in faith?

Are we evil from birth?  Do we come into this world wretched sinful beings?  Although it can seem like a dark, depressing idea, it is a common theological belief in Christianity.  What is your opinion?